Saturday, May 06, 2006

Sex (and Pizza) In the City

San Francisco loves sex. Raunchy S & M stores (that sell tight leather pants, kinky fish net stockings, and human dog collars with the "obligatory" metal spikes) abound and an unassuming pedestrian walking down Market Street will inevitably encounter a barrage of "untrustworthy" massage parlors and flashing neon lights that advertise nightly burlesque shows at each street corner.

But not all the sex in San Francisco is raunchy. The city acceptingly embraces sexuality, and is open about doing so. Just visit San Francisco during the Folsom Street Fair or Gay Pride Parade, and you'll know what I mean when you see naked people (or people wearing see-through spandex + rubber getups) casually walking around, and bystanders who won't even do "the quick glance" to stare at the parts that are out in the open. To them, it's just another ordinary day in San Francisco.

San Francisco is a place to feel comfortable about yourself and your sexuality. Thus, a place named Pizza Orgasmica fits right in.

Despite its name, Pizza Orgasmica doesn't cater to perverts or pedophiles, but instead counts the upper-crust, uptown, Versace-wearing Marina district-ites as its staple patrons. (The Marina is San Francisco's closest equivalent to Southern California's Beverly Hills.)

Given a name like "Pizza Orgasmica," how could cool 20 to 30-something people not eat there? Essentially, it is one of those "cool-by-association" places. Not only does Pizza Orgasmica score points by thinking up an innovative name for itself, but it also gets extra credit for the names of its menu offerings. They suggestively name their plain pizzas after sexual positions, terms, and innuendos. My personal favorite? The three-cheese pizza cleverly named "ménage à trois."

Other than the hand-painted images of Adam and Eve sporting fig leaves and seductively snacking on pizza, there is nothing striking or erotic about the interior design of Pizza Orgasmica. It is a "classic" pizza place, with dim lighting and shiny wooden tables adorned with rotund glass shakers of dried oregano, red pepper flakes, and the powdery canister-type parmesan cheese.

I ordered their signature pizza, which is essentialy the supreme, topped with sliced red onions, bell peppers, pepperoni, salami, sausage, mushrooms, and mozzerella cheese. Upon one bite, by beau started moaning in ecstacy about how delicious it was.

The crackly exterior and doughy and chewy interior of the crust reminded me of gourmet-style, Wolfgang-Puckian-CPK faire, but after consulting with my resident East Coast expert / beau, he informed me that the crust was authentic New York-style.

Unlike chain restaurant or fast food pizzas, the pizza wasn't greasy or overly oily, but lightly glistened from the bubbling and elastic mozzarella cheese. Each bite was coupled with a satisfying crunch from breaking into the crispy crust, and a warming flood of flavors from the marinara sauce that had been enhanced by pungent Italian spices. Salty circles of pepperoni, sausage, and salami were generously layered on the landscape of the pizza. Best of all, the mozzarella cheese stretched off into wispy strings and softly melted away on my tongue.

Although I'd like to say everything about Pizza Orgasmica was absolute pleasure, I think my dining experience was marred by the "parking ordeal."

Parking in Marina District really is a nightmare. If you don't own a Mini Cooper, you won't be able to park in Marina. I know that there is no such thing as "easy parking" in San Francisco. All parallel street parking is marked as a permanent red zone or is someone's driveway, but you don't know it until you physically shimmy your car into what you "thought" was a space. Plus, San Francisco is notorious for its narrow lanes that barely provide enough shoulder to squeeze by without sideswiping the mirrors of other parked cars. Despite this, I am still bothered that we spent over 45 minutes looking for parking in the entire Marina! (On top of that, I forgot my digital camera, so I had to use the crappy cell phone camera to snap these pictures.)

Was the experience orgasmic? The pizza was definitely worthy of repeat visits, but honey, it wasn't Viagra.


  1. The pizza still looks great and delicious even with your "crappy cell phone camera". What can I say, your write up made pizza truly "tempting" and "seductive" or shall i say "sinfully delectable"? Pizza Orgasmica should treat for a free meal on your next visit for writing this superb review.

  2. Thank you J Haw, I appreciate you saying so. I was worried about two of my reader-friends when I wrote this post, you were one of them! I didn't know how you would respond. Thank you for supporting me and encouraging me, in spite of my "sinful" post!

  3. The pizza does look 'sinfully' delicious :)

  4. That pizza and your descriptions were as drool inducing as always, but am I a pervert for wanting your talents of photography and writing to document the "naked" people walking around in public?

    That kind of local color, is, no surprise, uncommon (perhaps non-existent) here in O.C.

  5. hahaha, i *love* that last line! too bad you & stan went to the wrong location that Saturday. i think the experience would have been more pleasant if you came to eat out with us. :)

  6. Hehe Rachel, you were the other reader I was worried about! I loved the kite-flying skills of your family! We need to make pizza-shaped kites (either as a circle or a triangular-wedge). That way, I'd begin kite-flying as a hobby!

    Pervert? No way Elmo Monster! Besides, I've already monopolized the title of being a pervert, because I always surreptitiously fantasize and lust after your posts all the time! Now that's a pervert!

    Thanks Goldfishy 5 26! I can't wait for you to get your own domain name, because I always want to comment on your site! I guess I'll just leave comments for you on my site! I know, bad idea. Dang, your mother was quite an entrepreneur, getting you to owe her money and do the dishes. I have to employ that same strategy with Stan!

  7. I love pizza, but it definitely ain't viagra (or its equivalent)... it's so tasty when you're eating the pizza, but after that, the pizza breath turns me right off! (and it comes back even after brushing!)

  8. Passionate Eater, there is another Pizza Orgasmica location on Clement Street & 9th Ave. (where at night time, there actually is a decent amount of parking nearby!)!

  9. Very sexy posting PE. You had orgasmic pizza, and I had orgasmic ramen in Japan. The pizza really does look good enough to get you hot and bothered... and full of course. Can you take me here next time I'm in SF?

    I want a slice of sex, I mean, pizza now.

  10. what kinda coupons do they issue?

  11. oh pizza!
    Why do I do this to myself!

  12. I know about the pizza breath TFP, it is a cheesy stink and smells like rotten dairy! But somehow, pizza + sex have an uncanny and inexplicable link that is actually natural... Somehow.

    Alfred, you have to hear the entire story: We were originally supposed to go to the location on Clement Street to meet up with a group of friends, but I only (and stupidly) looked the directions up on a cell phone, which only displayed the address of the original location, which is in the Marina. I didn't know that there were two locations of the place when I was looking on that tiny cell phone screen! To make a long story short, I am now an advocate of planning ahead.

    Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, it would be my pleasure to bring you to this place. But, as in my response to Alfred, I'm bringing you to the Clement location, which actually is bigger, and has more parking!

    Interesting comment Diet Chili Cheese Fries... Not sure how to answer that one since I've never seen coupons for them, and I think that I am missing a joke or innuendo that you are trying to convey. You have to realize, that I am always the last person in the room to get any sexual joke, so you'll have to give me a hint on that one, if indeed, there is a sexual joke going on! ;)

    Thanks for visiting Clare Eats! I'm glad that you were motivated, or made hungry in some way by the post!

  13. ooh.. so he moans whenever he eats pizza? hmm.. thats not the same dude i knew - what did you do to him??? :)

  14. It was just this pizza Vicious... Usually, he just wolfs pizza down while staring at a football game (or a poker tournament in the off-season) on television. I am pretty sure that sports-consumed-guy is the same dude you know!!


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